ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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