I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
third nipple confirmed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
