I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
