You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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