Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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