i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
