it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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