So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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