When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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