Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
