You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
