Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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