My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
