walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
