mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
