State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
