He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
