We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
