why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cockslap morals
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
