so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
