I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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