how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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