I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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