I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
