Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
