I haven't been this sober since birth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
