Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
