Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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