Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
