Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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