at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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