You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
