i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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