There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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