Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
