she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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