he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
