I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
