I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
