i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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