i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
