the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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