do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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