were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
