I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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