You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
