I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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