captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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