You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
