i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
