Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
