If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
