I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
