Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
