by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
