tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No I am not eating basil off your cock
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
